Photo..

Ahangama, Sri Lanka: Fishermen wait to catch fish as they sit atop stilts

I was struck by this photo from this morning’s Guardian.  Those who know me, know that I don’t function very well in the morning – at least not until I’ve had my morning coffee, and another one half an hour later. For these fisherman to be standing on stilts so early in the morning waiting for their daily ‘bread’ as it were, to me is incredible. Not only does it require patience, it requires skill and balance and a whole different perspective on life.

Starry Starry Night..

I have been thinking about Vincent quite a lot lately..  I believe it is one of the most beautiful songs ever written..

 

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and gray
Look out on a summer’s day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul…
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land.

Now I understand
What you tried to say, to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free:
They would not listen; they did not know how –
Perhaps they’ll listen now.

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
Reflect in Vincent’s eyes of china blue
Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist’s loving hand.

Now I understand
What you tried to say, to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free:
They would not listen; they did not know how–
Perhaps they’ll listen now.

For they could not love you
But still, your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do–
But I could’ve told you, Vincent:
This world was never meant
For one as beautiful as you.

Starry, Starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world and can’t forget
Like the strangers that you’ve met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn, a bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

Now I think I know
What you tried to say, to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free:
They would not listen; they’re not listening still–
Perhaps they never will.

Madness..

Thus I became a madman.

And I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood; for those who understand us enslave something in us.

Khalil Gibran

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste..

I am one of those people who do not like to rush.  I take my time and when I do so, I do things effectively and to the best of my ability.  Once I am rushed or under pressure, I forget things, I mix things up, I become exhausted and cannot think straight, and things just topple on my head and don’t get done as best as I would have wanted them to.

After periods of extreme activity I recharge my battery by resting.  By just taking it easy and sleeping or lazing around doing nothing, and then I arise refreshed and ready to take on the world again.

Today was one of those days.  I just couldn’t get up and go to work.  I had to stay at home.  My system simply shut down after a very busy three weeks of constant work and activities, and the idea of a forthcoming week/10 days ahead of me..

I think that staying at home was the best thing I did.

The pressure I was under and the moment of stillness today reminded me of a poem I like and that I read every now and then.. there’s been some controversy around the author and the ‘myth behind the poem’ which you can read about here if interested.  But the poem itself is nice and simple, and compels you to stop for a moment and reflect.

Desiderata – by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann c.1927

When people travel and return to their country, they never return the same people they were when they left (so why do we always expect them to?)  That’s why when they return they become more critical and impatient with the situation of the country.. they are distant, they see things from a different angle and they’re not involved in the day-to-day details. 

They also become more critical and impatient with the people they know or used to know.  Again, they haven’t been involved in the day-to-day happenings and details of their lives (and shouldn’t really) and people change, so they can’t expect to deal with these people the same way they did a year, or two, or three ago.  They can’t expect these people to be static and pick up where they left off (if this happens that’s great; but I doubt it does).  And they can’t expect these people who have settled on certain routines to instantly return to their previous routines. 

What expectations do we have when friends and family return from long periods of stay abroad?  What expectations do these friends and family have of us when they return?

Things change, people change, routines change and it’s all a huge messy situation.

A quote and a thought

“Nobody can be successful if he doesn’t love his work, love his job.”

David Sarnoff.

I came across this quote in the random quotes that are generated on my blog, and it just struck me as very true.

How can one be successful at something one dislikes or hates?  To really succeed at something you must really love it and dedicate time and effort to it.

For the past year I have been working at a job that I feel nothing towards and lately I have been feeling that I have accomplished nothing.  I have accomplished things of course and produced results, but I don’t feel successful at all.  I feel it is simply a job I’m doing.  I try to do it to the best of my ability, but that’s as far as it goes.  I get a good salary, hamdul’Illah, but again, that’s my sole goal at the end of the month.  Before I used to work heart and soul, no matter what the pay.  I used to really care about my job and think about it after working hours.  I would think of ways to improve my work and my outputs and even if I get discouraged along the way, I would feel happy and satisfied and accomplished.  I had a commitment to the organizations I worked for – and I still do even after I left them.  I felt that I was doing something worthwhile and that deep inside me I was growing and learning and I was successful.

Here I don’t.  The only thing I feel I am really benefitting from is writing in Arabic; some improved typing skills and better sentence structure, and I’ve learnt to pay more attention to the things I do and write; which is good, but in general I don’t feel successful.  For some uncanny reason, lately I often have the same feeling I had when I was briefly married.. a sense of belittlement.  Nothing is good enough.

El Violín

I just saw this film at the Spanish Cultural Center (Cervantes).  It was showing as part of the “Cine en Construcción” film festival.

I have to say that the film is a beauty and a masterpiece.  It is not beautiful in the sense of the hollywood-style breathtaking scenes and intricate dialogue and scenery.  Quite the contrary.  It is crude and simple with minimal dialogue, yet extremely powerful.

It is shot in black and white and gives a sense of those great old film masterpieces. I shall say no more but direct you to this webpage from the Film Movement site which displays the numerous awards it has received and some reviews from established papers and critics.  You can also check the official website of the film.

And I would like to add this quote too which describes exactly how I feel about it:

“A stunning film that dazzles with its deceptive simplicity.” – Belinda Acosta, Austin Chronicle

I strongly recommend that you see it if you have the chance.  It is one of those films that you won’t easily forget.

Thoughts kida 3al mashy..

Every extra day you live, every extra day people around you live, every chance you have to spend time with someone close (especially if that someone is old or sick) is a blessing.  A true blessing.  We don’t always realize it.

It never hurts to be kind.  You’ll never regret it and you’ll really feel good afterwards.  And people will remember your kindness.  

I sometimes feel worn out.

I love opera.  It soothes the soul and the spirit.  It rejuvenates and energizes, and it’s simply truly beautiful to listen to.

I am touched by the thoughtfulness and kindness of my friends. 

God bless my mother whose love has no boundaries and no limits.

God bless my father, my sister, my nephew, my aunts and my grandmother.  May God protect and shelter them.  Them, and my cousins and their children, my brother in law, my uncle and his family and my great aunt.  I often feel we are all very fragile in this world.

This blogging business..

This blogging business has become quite intriguing…

I was more into reading masterpieces or at least literary works from known and unknown writers.  Diaries, biographies and letters of established literary figures and artists, trying to understand the workings of their minds after having read their novels, short stories or poems or seeing their works of art or listening to their music.. many of them long gone.. I never thought I’d be reading bits and pieces of current vibrant living young people’s diaries or looking forward to what, for instance, Gjoe has to say about the world, or anticipating Jessyz’ Friday fives or wanting to read the ramblings of someone’s disoriented mind or simply identifying with how someone’s day went by, delving into my friends’ inner selves and browsing and flipping new electronic pages hoping to discover a new talent here or there and being pleasantly surprised when I do.

My circle is still very small – like a small circle of virtual friends – and I have to admit that though I tried this google reader thing, I would opt for the regular browsing where I look forward to a new posting and I look at the designs of the different blogs and I read the comments.. I don’t merely want a list of new postings, I want the human element in a webpage if there is such a thing.  I like to check out young people’s blogs, especially Egyptians, and see how they think or what they like to write about.  I admire those with a political sense and a social responsibility, I admire those who manage to write regularly, those with many readers and followers, those who talk about a book or a film with passion..  those who have been in the blogging business for many years now.

I keep my distance, hoping I don’t get too addicted, too attached.. anticipating a flow of thoughts, and thinking about different ideas to express, trying to keep a sense of anonymity but at the same time, a desire to reveal the intricacies that make up my simple yet complex self, for only in revealing them can I begin to understand them.

Focus

I need to focus.  I can’t focus.  Emails, blogs, reports, emails, chats, phonecalls, emails, a memo here, a letter there, someone else popping up wanting to chat, remembering to call someone, checking my other email accounts, no time for facebook, definitely no time for facebook. i need to read that report, minutes of a meeting, yet another phonecall, someone’s talking to me, i need coffee, emails again, i check my phone for missed calls, smses i only glanced at the past two days, an event at auc? i have to write it down before i forget, chatting, another paragraph to read before my 3 o’ clock meeting, freecell, i get another email, shouldn’t i be writing those minutes? close msn. God, what’s that pile on my desk? someone called me this morning and asked for something.. what was it?  someone’s talking to me and i have no idea what they’re saying, let me put my headphones on so i can drown out some sounds and try to concentrate, one song leads to another, let me check that website, hey that’s an interesting topic, one google search leads to another, another phonecall and more freecell, another email, wasn’t i supposed to write something down?  what about that report?  God, i didn’t read that report…..