It’s another Thursday night alone at home and I just finished watching Innocent Voices. Last Thursday I watched Las 13 Rosas. Ahmed, I love you for introducing me to those movies, and I thank you for it, but I am deeply and acutely moved by them. Las 13 Rosas is the story of 13 young women (minors) in Madrid who were wrongly gunned down in the Almudena cemetery in 1939 in the early years of the Franco regime because of a political crime they did not commit. It’s a beautiful film, despite that last sentence. Innocent Voices talks about the civil war in El Salvador through the eyes of an 11-year old boy. They are both very strong material to digest, and as I embark upon a journey that will change my career and my life, I pause to think a little about what I am about to do.
My whole life I have wanted to do something useful.. to help people. I’m not the corporate employee, nor the teacher, nor am I one to work at a 9-5 job that won’t bring some sort of change to myself and to the people around me. I need to be doing something useful and after 14 years of work in development that has in my opinion grown stagnant, I need to look for something that is more in the line of fire. Well, not in so many words, but at least something that has more action to it, where I feel that my mark will leave a stronger imprint. I have no idea if that is a wise decision, nor a rash one for that matter, and I have absolutely no clue what the outcome of this year is going to be, more so, what the future holds for me, and I don’t know if I will be able to take the life that I am choosing for myself. But I know that I have my faith, my thrill and thirst for knowledge, my desire to travel to the 70 thousand corners of the world, and my need to do some good in this world.
I also have a strong urge to understand what it is that makes people live in the circumstances that they live in, to suffer the way they do, to fight for what they believe in, to lose members of their family and their community one after the other, to lose everything they own, and still believe that their cause is just and that there is a certain solidarity that unifies us all as humans. I know I don’t have to work in countries where there is violence, but I need to understand this resilience and this solidarity.
And I hope that this coming year will be a step closer towards this understanding and my own realization of what it is I truly want to do in this life.